Struggling to find your place in the community? Scared to come out to your colleagues? New to gay sex? In other words, need help?
Introducing reigning DragJam Queen of Roasts, Ms. Stephanie Slack! She’ll be dispensing her unique style of advice in a monthly ‘Agony Aunt’-style column (with the aid of her alter-ego, qualified Life Coach Steve).
Dear Aunty Steph,
Many years ago, my very first girlfriend taught me the beautiful art of tribbing (aka ‘scissoring’, to those less familiar). It was all very natural and wonderful and it became my favourite sapphic art form.
When we split up, I thought I’d venture into the world to find a plethora of new tribbing partners. However, most gay girls I’ve encountered don’t really like it or haven’t tried it.
It is my favourite move in the bedroom and probably the reason I am gay, so how do I go about asking for it or explaining my raging scissor fantasy especially as I’m more of a shy bottom who likes to be lead by my girl?
Eternally Frustrated, A Triber.
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My dear Triber,
I’m gonna take a moment to look up tribbing and explain it gently to the gay men reading this letter…I’m sure they won’t know what it is and will possibly come over a bit faint trying to imagine it too…wait….
….OK! So boys…tribbing, according to Urban Dictionary, is:
“From ‘tribadism’ which refers to lesbianism. Derived from the Greek ‘tribas’ (a lesbian) and ‘tribo’ which is the verb ‘to rub’. Refers to ‘scissoring’ which is when two women rub their vulvas and clitoris together as a form of non-penetrative sex.”
Boys, I’m not explaining vulvas and the clitoris to you too…ask your mother!!
So, my little triber, I think the main problem here is being able to stand up and tell your girls to give your lady gardens a bit of a rub together. Communication is VITAL in any relationship. You gotta say how you feel and tell your partner (be it a ONS or LTR – look at me with the text speak like a youngster) what you want. Only then can your relationship be successful and grow.
Repeat after me: “I would like you to rub your wet clit onto my wet clit please. I really enjoy it.”
A good idea in the bedroom is to encourage your partner. Tell them what feels good to you and what they do that you enjoy. Then you can softly start to express what else you would like – the tribbing. Use phrases like “I really like it when you…” and “you know I love it when you do this…” Be encouraging to lead them to where you want them to be. Finally, if and when tribbing comes along, ask your partner “what do you like? what can I do for you?” This way you are rewarding the pleasure that has been given to you, by giving back.
What you must remember though is that we aren’t all created equal, not everybody likes the same things. What works for you might not work for the next person and that’s just something you will need to recognise as you find your next tribbing partner. Don’t worry though. There will be a girl out there as into it as you are. You just need to find her. Perhaps make and wear a sign “I Love Tribbing. Do You?”
NB* Can I just say you have opened my eyes to a whole new world of lesbian sex after researching this…I’d say I’m 5% lesbian now. Thanks!
Lots of love, Lesbian Steph!
Dear Auntie Steph,
I am writing to you for some advice please. I am a pure top and I have just met an extraordinary husband material guy. We have decided to start a relationship together. He ticks all the boxes for me, and I rock all the boxes for him. Except one. He is also a pure top.
We are truly madly deeply in love. The pure top thing is a stumbling block in the relationship. Can you please offer some viable solutions to overcome this?
Thanks, Pure Top
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Hey Pure Top!
Firstly congratulations on finding husband material. I know how difficult that can be. Good job!
I’d like to highlight, before talking about options, how low in importance sex could be (to some) in comparison to the commitment and love that can be found in your partnership. Also, sex will not always matter as much as it might do right now. Of course it is important, but I don’t want you to loose sight of what you have told me, “extraordinary husband material…ticking all the boxes”. These are important phrases and I would hate anal sex to be the killer of the relationship you have found.
In saying that, there are options. Keep an open mind and remember that you are working to make your relationship great and that there might need to be some give-and-take (pardon the pun) in the bedroom for the relationship to work.
Firstly, remember that sex is much more than just penetration. Talk with each other about your turn-ons and what is most erotic and arousing for you both. Act out fantasies, use pornography or sex toys to spice things up to find different ways of being sexual with each other that doesn’t require anal intercourse. Keeping your partner on his toes can go a long way toward satisfying one’s libido.
Secondly, have a conversation to talk about your sexual needs and feelings. Relationships are about compromise and in this case you might need to explore the possibility of both of you switching sexual roles from time to time. If you are resistant to this, explore what being a top means to you, as well your concerns about bottoming. Perhaps what is needed is some education and practice about being versatile?
There is of course a third option and this requires some discussion and a strong level of trust. There is the option to bring in a third person to your partnership- a bottom to fulfil both of your needs, or allowing each partner to find their anal sex requirements outside of the bedroom. Being allowed to meet other men can be an ok part of your relationship, but this option is not for everyone. It requires full disclosure, an open and frank discussion and total trust from both of you. It can lead to worries about love, about STDs, about loosing an intimate part of the relationship and possible unhappiness for one or both. This could be a last resort and only if both of your sexual desires are having a major negative effect on your relationship.
All I can say is I want you both to talk as much as possible. Find out what really matters to you both and work out solutions that match. Take a step back and talk so that trust, desire and sexual experimentation can occur.
Goodness Aunty Steph was being serious!
Thanks for this great letter. I’m sure it is a subject that many have worries about.
Good Luck! StephS
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